Monday, November 19, 2012
as i was on my way to work last week i had just exited the freeway and i hit a huge wall of emotions! i just started bawling! i called my mom and she asked me what was wrong. i've been hit recently on one of my surro groups with everyone's surrobabe's photos. i haven't seen mine since the day she was born. i knew i still harbored some resentment and anger towards my ip's for what they did and the way they went about doing it. don't they know they wouldn't have a baby if it weren't for me??? there, i said it. i put it out there. i never really released any emotion after that awful e-mail. i did cry while reading it to my mom, but i was also only 1 week postpartum. i had so much going on then. i never grieved her loss. and so while driving on a random friday in november, i totally lost it. i am so happy that my friends get to see their surrokids and i do know gals who don't need to see theirs. i never had any closure. all i need is closure. the whole situation has been a tough pill for me to swallow. i hope with that release of emotion i can start to move on.