Monday, November 19, 2012

driving on a random friday ...

as i was on my way to work last week i had just exited the freeway and i hit a huge wall of emotions! i just started bawling! i called my mom and she asked me what was wrong. i've been hit recently on one of my surro groups with everyone's surrobabe's photos. i haven't seen mine since the day she was born. i knew i still harbored some resentment and anger towards my ip's for what they did and the way they went about doing it. don't they know they wouldn't have a baby if it weren't for me??? there, i said it. i put it out there. i never really released any emotion after that awful e-mail. i did cry while reading it to my mom, but i was also only 1 week postpartum. i had so much going on then. i never grieved her loss. and so while driving on a random friday in november, i totally lost it. i am so happy that my friends get to see their surrokids and i do know gals who don't need to see theirs. i never had any closure. all i need is closure. the whole situation has been a tough pill for me to swallow. i hope with that release of emotion i can start to move on.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry your journey didn't end the way you planned. I'm assuming you planned to stay in contact with the IPs and they abruptly ended it. I hope one day your IPs realize what a heartless thing they did.

Tiffany said...

Amy I'm so sorry that things didn't turn out with the "happily ever after" ending we all so very much want. I have a real life surro friend dealing with the "loss" of her surrotwins too. It's very hard for her to watch us all that have close relationships with our IPs. I'm sure she'd welcome an email from you if you ever wanted to be in touch with someone who understands the experience you've had. {{{HUGS}}}

one faux mommy said...

tiffany - please feel free to pass my email onto her or email me her email address.