Sunday, October 7, 2012

an executive decision has been made

so after that last post i really had to sit and think, and talk it over with a few people, and pray about what my next steps were going to be. my life breaks down something like this ... i'm gonna be 33 on sat and i really, Really, REALLY wanna get married and pop out some kiddo's with my boy. our future lives are basically on hold with this whole surrogacy thingy. don't get me wrong, he's 100% supportive, but there is always a chance that being a surrogate can take my fertility. how guilty would i feel if i pushed to do this and i ended up needing a surrogate? and how the hell would i pay for one? so many racing thoughts. truth be told, i feel like i haven't come full circle as a surrogate because of being kicked out of my first ip's life and the miscarriage with the twins. but at the end of the day when i sit down and reason it all out, my boy completes my circle and my life has to go on. so it is with a bit of a sad heart and a great big smile on my face, my daughter and i take a leap of faith and move in with my soon-to-be-fiance/hubby/person i get to annoy till the end of time and we start our journey. i still love reading all of your blogs and may be posting when the fancy strikes me. and who knows in a few years when i have my 3 angels maybe surrogacy will be my path again. thank you all for supporting me on this crazy journey!