Saturday, March 24, 2012

journey #2

journey #2 started out very easily. i signed up with 2 agencies and the one that processed my paperwork the quickest won my uterus! i met with a family (or rather a family friend) and didn't jive with them. another family was interested and after a chat on the phone and some negotiations, we had tentative dates! my uterus came in 2nd after the egg donor did her thing first.

february 15th came around and there i was back on the table with the same doctor that made me a surromomma the first time. 2 beautiful little girls were places into my care and 2 weeks later (and after cheating by poas) i was prego! and i was really prego with possible multiples. i was terrified. i had to wait 2 lllooonnnggg weeks to wait for my u/s to see how many ladies were in there.

all the while i was e-mailing my im and she had been so sweet. they had used 2 surro's in the past with 3 miscarriages and i really wanted to be their miracle surro.

i started bleeding a week after the transfer. a quick u/s showed a subchorionic hematoma. they are quite common in ivf and no one really knows why. we only saw 1 sac and i blew a huge sign of relief. a week after that my official u/s showed identical twins!!! i was so scared that i sat on the table and cried with my mom sitting next to me. during that week i slowly got used to the idea that there were 2 in there and that there was a small chance that something may happen.

7w4d u/s showed no heartbeats on my baby cherries. i was devastated. after much consoling from the doctor and much reassurance that i did nothing to cause this, i was scheduled for a d&c. the surgery itself wasn't horrible and recovery has been pretty mild. some bleeding and lots of cramping. i am just devastated for my ip's and feel like a failure. the fetal tissue was sent for genetic testing, but since it was also done on the embryo's we don't expect to hear anything abnormal. my only consolation is that in a few identical twin cases blood flow and blood vessels get crossed and aren't compatible with life.

He gives and He takes away.

so where do i stand now? i haven't decided that yet and by no means do i have to in the next 5 minutes. i definitely don't want to have to repeat this process again, so i have a lot to think about in the next few weeks. in the mean time, i am enjoying following my fellow surromomma's journeys and that's good enough for me right now!

thank you all for your kind words, prayers, and encouragement during this hard time. xo

3 comments:

Andrea said...

I am so, so sorry girl.

Surrogate, Single Parent and Dating... said...

So sorry girl! I was looking forward to following your next journey. Hang in there, head up - you did nothing wrong!

Robin Baker said...

So sorry for your loss and the family's loss. <3