i saw an article on the surrogacy spotlight's site on facebook about a gal who answered some frequently asked questions re: being a surrogate. i do get asked tons of questions (many of the same) and thought it was a good idea to answer them here for everyone to know the answers.
1. what made you want to become a surrogate?
i think i said this in my first blog post, but surrogacy had been on my mind for about 4 years before i started this journey. i knew that having 1 child was enough for me but the thought of never being pregnant again made me kinda sad. i enjoyed all the perks (and pits) of pregnancy. i had a pretty easy delivery (after they rotated my stubborn little girl) but honestly didn't realize how hard parenting was going to be. now as a single mom it is a lot harder, but i have tons of help and get breaks during the week. my daughter is her mommy and dad all rolled up in 1 cute smaller package and sometimes it makes me wanna pull my hair out, literally! being a surrogate, to me, is a mutually beneficial job. i get to enjoy being pregnant and not have to take any responsibility for the child and i am helping a couple who otherwise couldn't have started a family. see? win/win!
2. my response is generally followed by wow! i could never do that!
and that's ok because i can! i went into this arrangement with the mind set that this is NOT my baby. i am simply providing temporary housing and at the end of my 40 week stint, this person will go and live with their real mom and dad. don't get me wrong i love feeling her wiggle around and we talk to her, but there is not the attachment that i felt when i was carrying my own baby.
3. what if you have more than 1? or 8?
i am not a dog and i do not wish to carry a litter. i spoke with both my ip's and my doctor about how many embryo's i was comfortable transferring. i also prayed like never before because i was deathly afraid of carrying more than 1 baby. thankfully He answers prayer and i only have 1 in there! :)
4. but won't you wanna keep her after you see her?
ummm ... no! she.is.not.my.baby. my egg was not used and i didn't have a partner contributing any sperm. i have a daughter and she's enough for me.
after little miss is born i am simply giving her back to her parents. she was never mine to begin with. her parent's entrusted me with their embryo's and after she's here, my job is done.
5. what does your hubby think? he would never let me carry another person's baby!
first off i'm not married and if i was, i'm glad it's not to your man! surrogacy has been on my heart for many years and if someone can't accept that part of me, they don't get to have me.
6. does your daughter understand what's going on?
yes she does. i explained that not everyone is able to have a baby of their own and omitting all graphic details, told her that baby sesame has other parents. they have all met and are very sweet to my girl. she did recently ask if we could keep baby sesame and i reminded her that baby sesame's parents would be very sad if we did that since they have been waiting for her for a very long time (not to mention my daughter would be visiting me in the slammer! kidding!) she understood, said ok, she saw a butterfly or something shiny and ran after it!
7. how much money are you getting for this?
i think this question offends me the most. i don't ask how much you make at your job. if you're really that interested in how much money surrogates make, please call an agency and sign up to be a surrogate!
there have been many discussions out there about if surrogates should be compensated and how much, etc... fact of the matter is, i am doing a job and providing a service to someone else. this job is a 24/7 job for up to 42 weeks and has some major downfalls to it sometimes. so please try and control yourself when you want to ask me this question and don't. :)