Wednesday, December 28, 2011

ready. set. ____

and we're off and running! finalizing the contract. sign, seal and deliver that bad boy and things can roll on! got my schedule and am due to start the lupron jan. 16 with a target transfer date of feb. 16 or 17! so, so, so very excited! my ip's have had a lot of heartache so i'm hoping to deliver their little bundle safe and sound.

so with baby sesame i had kaiser for my prenatal care and delivery. i really liked the cnm i ended up with (even though she didn't deliver me) and had a pretty good experience overall. the super exciting news this time around is that i will be using the supplemental health ins. and will be able to go to ucsd and they have a "birthing center" within their l&d unit. that means water birth!!! i so wanted to do that with sesame but kaiser didn't have that option. i am absolutely ecstatic that my ip's are onboard with the whole natural delivery/waterbirth route cause it's so important to me.

so stick around and i'll keep ya updated about what's going on and i have a great nickname for this little one to be! can't wait to share!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Friday, December 2, 2011


a few months into my pregnancy with baby sesame i knew i wanted to hire a doula. i interviewed 2 ladies and that's how i met robin baker. i didn't end up using her, but she was so sweet and found me after i delivered to ask me how everything went. we became friends on facebook and she became pregnant with monoamniotic (momo) twin boys. she was planning on going to the hospital for observation this week until she delivered as momo twins can entangle themselves in each others cords which as you can guess is not good news.

robin's sweet boys, elijah barry & henry lee, were born sleeping into the arms of their mom and dad at 24 weeks. my heart just breaks for their family. please keep them in your prayers and if you are so inclined to make a donation to help offset the cost of the funeral you can do so here.

Monday, October 31, 2011

i was tricked instead of treated :)

today was my 1st screening at the clinic and we all know what that means! 7 tubes of blood and a sonohyst!!! i had no idea that we were doing the sonohyst today and thankfully it was quick, pretty much painless and picture perfect! :) i was still having a few cramps this evening, but all the walking around trick-or-treating helped them subside. it was so nice to be able to see all my old buddies at the clinic and tell them my birth story. they all asked if i've seen the baby recently and when i told them what happened i didn't get teary eyed or bawl uncontrollably. that is such an improvement for me! i got my party pack (prenatal vits., birth control and baby aspirin) and talked to my im that we're good to go for a january transfer. i am so excited and can't wait to help create this family!!! here we go ...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


i've been matched with the ip's from spain! they've had a long, hard road and i hope to be their lucky charm! my screening is on mon. and i get to work the previous clinic i was at with sesame. here we go ...

Monday, October 24, 2011

interviewing new ip's

hi everyone! been relaxing over here and got back from a week in florida with my mom. we stayed with my aunt and my girlfriend who lives in n.j. joined us for 4 days. it was so nice to lay on the beach and just relax! i also added another candle on my birthday cake! school is going well and i'm about halfway done. this bio class is my pre-req. for anatomy & physiology.

i have a little surro news happening too. i met with a family friend of a couple (i thought it was kind of weird) and didn't really jive with what they wanted. i'm glad the agency tells them no thanks so i don't have to do it. i had a conference call this morning with an im in spain. her and her husband sound like their on the same page as i am. we'll see how it pans out, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

i follow quite a few other surromomma blogs and krystal had a beautiful baby boy for her ip's a few days ago! congrats!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

happy 3 months!

hello out there! it's been a while since i've had anything blog worthy to say. lots has been happening in the past few months, weeks, days, hours ...

first off baby sesame is 3 months old today! i can't believe how time has flown. i still haven't heard from her parents and i guess i don't really expect to. i thought i was over it for the most part and last week i was walking around target and past the baby section. i don't usually pay too much attention to it, but they had the cutest halloween onsies on display and seeing them i completely lost it! just when i think i can handle the loss i find i can't. fellow surromomma kelly r. posted a really cute article about when ip's "just aren't that into you." check it out here. the weird part is it doesn't bother me that other ip's keep in contact with their surrogates and mine don't, it's the tangible reminders that upset me the most. i got something in the mail today addressed to "the parents of reagan kathleen b-----." another reminder. thanks alot!

on to happier things, boo started 2nd grade and i am back in school as well. i am an lvn and have been for the past 9 years (sigh). i'm not all that wild about school and the science classes i have left to take so i've put off going back. i'm dipping my feet in the shallow end and finding the routine of school a comfort.

i signed up with an agency a few weeks back and they were all gung-ho about having 2 couples for me. i was excited and am looking forward to doing another surrogacy around january. well weeks have gone by and i haven't heard a peep outta them! so i contacted another agency and signed up with them as well. let's see who means business and let's start another family!

i guess that's about it for me. just moving from day to day and trying to get on with life. can you believe this year is already 3/4 gone? bring on fall y'all!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

where are they now?

i lOvE that show on vh1! all those child stars of the 80's when the t.v. shows were more wholesome. :)

anyway, where are we today? well here i am sitting on my couch as usual. i am still not 100% back to normal and have my, uh hum, cough cough, 8 week postpartum app't. on monday morning. i am hoping to be cleared to pursue surrogacy early next year. speaking of, i recently contacted an agency and am going thru the initial steps to become a surromomma again! the idea just tickles me pink! i have not heard from my ip's since the e-mail when baby sesame was about a week old. the feelings are still kinda raw, but for the most part i am moving on with life. my daughter starts 2nd grade in about a month and we are going camping next weekend. she will then continue on for 10 days with my folks and my nephew while i get back to work and real life. speaking of vacations, i just took a 3 days mini-vaca to vegas with one of my gf's. it was so relaxing to sleep late, order room service and catch up with my gf.

baby sesame is almost 8 weeks old and i assume doing well. i imagine her chunky little legs and a smile on her lips when she see's her mommy and daddy. :)

we had another photoshoot with mckmama today (mckmama). boo is watching movies and playing with her princess castle. i love her imagination!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

time flies ...

... literally! today baby sesame is 4 weeks old. a whole month already. and this is my 2nd week back at work. and the summer is half gone. and my post baby bash in vegas is in 2 1/2 weeks. and all my baby weight is gone. and i still have good days and bad days. and my daughter knows we won't see baby sesame anytime soon. and i discovered passionfruit wine thanks to my neighbor. and life is swell.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

tree planting

so after my placenta art was completed i wanted to do something special with the placenta instead of just throwing it away. boo and i decided that we'd get a special plant or tree and bury the placenta so it would nourish our tree just like it nourished baby sesame. we researched what kind of fruit would grow best in our climate and decided on grapes.

hopefully now i don't kill the vine and we get some grapes in the spring!

i think my daughter overheard a conversation i had with my neighbor about baby sesame's parents and what happened. her dad said to me today that she told him we're never gonna see baby sesame ever again! he quickly changed the subject, but it just breaks my heart that she is so upset. not sure if i should bring it up with her or let her ask me... what would you all do and/or say or not say?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

placenta art

first i just wanna say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has shared kind words and encouragement with me regarding my last post. it has been very hard to accept, but time heals all wounds.

now onto the art!!!

so i wanted to do something with my placenta. i had originally considered encapsulating it, but after speaking to some people realized that it could increase my milk supply (that i've been working so hard to stop). so what now? i started researching what exactly i could do with it and art struck my fancy. i had taken a picture of myself that quickly became my favorite. i decided i wanted someone to draw the photo for me and i would stamp the placenta onto my belly. my neighbor is a wonderful artist so i asked her if she'd do the painting for me. i am so happy with the results!

*due to the recent issue of prego pics showing up on a fetish website i have removed the photos*

i absolutely love, Love, LOVE the painting and it will forever remind me of baby sesame. i now plan on burying the placenta and planting a fruit tree.

i showed boo the placenta and explained what it is and how it works. she was very interested and not at all grossed out by it. she picked out an apple tree to plant as our baby sesame tree but home depot was out of them. i'll have to check back later in the week.

i start back to work tomorrow and am looking forward to getting back into my normal routine. summer has been fun! boo has daycamp mon. and fri. and this is her 2nd week of swimming lessons. she has come leaps and bounds and is a quite a good swimmer. we are going camping locally in august and then she'll go with my parents and nephew for a week camping to the places we went as a family when i was a kid. i wish i could go too, but i know they'll have fun!

hope you're all having a great summer too!

Sunday, July 3, 2011


i have really been struggling the past few days.
struggling physically to feel back to 100%.
struggling in my relationship with my daughter.
fighting a seemingly never gonna end battle to stop my milk flow.
struggling with the right words.
but really struggling emotionally.
i carried a baby for 274 days.
i carried this baby with no intention of being her mother.
i birthed this baby and gave her joyfully to her parents who struggled for years to have her.
i saw, firsthand, the bonding process start between mother and daughter.
i held this little girl eager to gaze into the eyes of the girl who kept me up night after night.
i am not her mother, nor do i want to be.
i want to stand at a distance and watch her grow up.
i received an e-mail ending my contact with this baby.
i spent the day completely in shock and crying.
all of my postpartum emotions running wild ruling the rest of me.
i hadn't been prepared for this.
i didn't get to say goodbye.
and now i am struggling.
to understand.
to accept.
to move on.

*i wrote this on 7.1.11. i thought i'd never get over the pain. i reached out to friends and people i don't even know and the outpouring of prayer and support was overwhelming. as you may or may not know i have a deep relationship with God. i gave Him all my hurt, all my tears and all my anger and He now carries those burdens that were mine. it still stings a bit to know i may never see a picture of the beautiful gift i carried, but He will get me through.*

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

happy 1 week birthday!!!

happy 1 week birthday baby sesame!

hard to believe that a whole week has already passed! hopefully next week we'll get a little visit with baby sesame and her parents and i'll have some new pictures to post.

i am feeling really good! still a bit sore in the cupcake dep't. as my milk is still trying to come in, but i live with layers, ice packs, a binder and motrin.

the kids (boo and my nephew) and i are going to have a fun afternoon at boomer's today and i'm looking forward to goofing around with them! tomorrow is the fair with my parents and i am really excited about that! that's about it for me. i am planning on returning to work in 2 weeks and getting life back to normal.

Friday, June 24, 2011

3 days postpartum

3 days later and i'm feeling really great! not having an episiotomy has helped tremendously in the healing department. i have to say that my booty feels like it weighs 100 lbs. and i need to sit often. my milk is also starting to really try and come in so i am sore and hard there too. i've been wearing about 4 layers, cabbage leaves, ice packs and a binder 24/7! the fair is in town for another week and i really want to go. i think my folks will push me in a wheelchair. :)

tonight is my first night at home and my daughter is here with me. i can't imagine having to care for her and a newborn! my hat is off to mom's with more than 1 kiddo! i explained to her how i need her to be a big helper to me for the next few days and i think she will take pride in helping mom. bedtime will be early again tonight, but here's a picture of us 3.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

birth story

6 pm monday (6.20.11) evening my contractions started regularly every 10-15 minutes. they weren't especially painful, just kinda there and annoying. my mom and i are in a bingo group and it happens to be tonight. i tell her that if anything happens we'll leave and go to the hospital so let's go. bingo goes great! dinner is good and playing and chatting is keeping my mind off of my contractions. they are still pretty regular and coming a bit closer together now.

9 pm and we head to my house to get my hospital bag and back to my mom's to labor in the tub for a while. i call my doula and no answer. i leave her a message that i will be at my mom's and i think she should come. i call my daughter's other grama to come and get her and get into the tub. still having regular contractions every 4-6 minutes but they still aren't super painful. more calls and texts to the doula and still no answer. i'm getting worried she won't make it. boo's grama is an rn and she comes upstairs to sit with me and with each contraction i feel a little gush of liquid leaking out. because i am in the tub i can't tell if it's urine or amniotic fluid and she insists that i at least go to the hospital to get checked out. call the doula again and call my ip's to let them know that i am going to the hospital.

1100 pm and i am seen in triage. my contractions are every 4 minutes and getting painful. the md on call says i perplex her because i am regularly contracting but my water did not break and i am only 4 cm dilated, 80% effaced and -2 station. she gives me 3 options - 1. walk for 2 hours 2. sit on the gurney for 2 hours and she'll recheck me 3. go home naturally i choose to go home to the horror of my mom and ip's. they are all so nervous and don't want me to deliver at home. my doula calls as i am getting ready to leave and she's been at another delivery. she offers to come over but i tell her to go home and rest and i'll call if anything happens.

1200 midnite (6.21.11) and i am back at my mom's and in the tub again. it really does help being in the water. i sit and soak and relax and breath for an hour.

0100 am and i need a snack. an apple sounds so good! downstairs i go and have a snack and walk back and forth, back and forth.

0215 am and i decide i want to lay down even though my contractions are too painful to sleep through at this point. i am surfing the internet on my phone when at 0230 am i feel a pop inside. i think that little miss has just kicked my ribs again, but when i move a huge gush of fluid comes pouring out! i yell for my mom who comes into my room from a sound sleep and tell her it's time to go. another call to my ip's telling them it's for real this time because my water broke. another call to the doula to meet us at the hospital as well. at this point my contractions are so painful that when i have one i have to stop and wait it out. i am pretty sure i am moaning through the pain as well.

we can't find the car keys!

holy crap where did i put them?

5 minutes later they are located and off we go to have a baby!

0300 am and through the er to labor and delivery. i am really having intense pain with each contraction and slip on my gown and get situated in bed. a heplock is started, fetal monitor is on and i am sucking on ice chips between contractions which are every 1-2 minutes. the cnm on call arrives and i am 6 cm!

that's it i think!

another contraction rocks my body and i scream.

i can't do this!

i am in too much pain!

give me drugs!

the nurse offers me whatever i want, but because i really don't want any medicine i am quiet until the next contraction.

my mom is rubbing my lower back because i swear the baby feels like she's gonna tear outta there! back labor is the worst!

my doula arrives and takes over from my mom. i am slightly calmer but here comes another contraction and i am yelling and screaming again. i get on my hands and knees to try and relieve some of the pain. another contraction and i swear this baby is coming out my booty! i eventually turn onto my left side and decide that the only way to stop the pain is to push her out. my body tells me to bear down now. i rip the monitor off and curl up over my tummy and push with all my strength. it feels wonderful!

everyone suddenly appears in the room again and i am bearing down with each contraction. i keep thinking that my booty is going to explode it hurts so bad! the doula is pushing on my lower back and i am holding my booty with each push.

push! push! push!

i can see her head in the mirror. she's almost here.

her head pops out "sunny side up!" she's looking up at me and that's what caused the intense back labor. the cnm tells me to slow down and breath so i don't tear. they suction the baby and she starts to cry. a little push and 1 shoulder and then the other. then she slips out and onto my belly.

reagan kathleen enters the world on june 21, 2011 at 0418 am.

her daddy cuts her cord and she's immediately handed to her mommy to bond.

my job is done.

just a little skidmark tear and 1 stitch for me.

she is absolutely beautiful and so wide awake. when i hold her she stares at me when i talk to her.

i seriously can't believe that i just gave birth to this beautiful baby sans any medication what-so-ever!

she weighs 6 lbs. 10 ozs. and is 20 1/2" long. she is so content and sleeps most of the day.

she and her mommy and daddy go home that evening and i helped create a whole new family. what a blessing and an honor it was.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

she's here! she's here!

miss reagan kathleen was welcomed with love on june 21, 2011 @ 0418. she weighed 6 lbs. 10 ozs. and was 20 1/2" long. she is absolutely beautiful and such a content baby.

welcome to the world baby girl!!!

one faux mommy and baby sesame

me, boo and baby sesame

i can't wait to share my birth story, but having had a lack of sleep since sunday nite i am opting for bed! i will share tomorrow!

Friday, June 17, 2011

any day now!

oh my gosh! oh my gosh! oh my gosh! any day little miss will be making her debut! i keep thinking i am excited and then i talk to her parents and my excitement and joy are downplayed by about a million! i had my check-up today and i am 3 1/2 cm dilated, 80% effaced and at -2 station. my cnm says she can come any day! i have plans for this weekend, so i am praying she waits till sunday after 4pm.

*sidenote* i have been following the mckmama blog for years now and she and her family are stopping in s.d. and having photo shoots on sunday. i am so excited to meet her and have her take my boo's pic's. that little miss MUST wait till after that!

today is my last day at work. it will be nice to sit on the couch and put my feet up. wednesday i was having regularly irregular contractions. (does that make sense?) the closest ones were 4 minutes apart and the furthest were 40 minutes apart. they lasted for about 6 hours then after lots of water and rest, they stopped.

well, fingers crossed for sunday after 4pm!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

fully cooked

baby sesame is now considered fully cooked! she's still doing some simmering in there, but i am really, really, really ready for her to come out now! my app't. on friday was routine. measure and listen. no cervical check (horray) and the cnm said she can come whenever (amen!). i have another app't. this friday and she wants to do a cervical check. i am totally opposed to this as it is just a means for infection and if i'm not in full blown labor, who cares how far i'm dilated! i am aiming to stay at home as long as possible before i hear those doors of the hospital slam shut after me and limit my choices for birth. i have my birth plan ready to go and came across a wonderful blog that helped me narrow it down to bare bones and not seem too pushy. check out the site - navalgazingmidwife

38 weeks and still wearing my regular jeans! i am quite proud of that! :)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

word of the day

today's word of the day is leaking. l.e.a.k.i.n.g. ***warning*** if you do not wanna read about breastmilk, i highly suggest you leave now.

well now that we've separated the girls from the women i have noticed that my milk is starting to come in. horray! if this was my baby, but i will not be breastfeeding baby sesame. i have read/heard some home remedies one can do to stop the milk from coming in, but i had no idea it would start this early! i went to the store today and totally forgot to buy cabbage leaves ( darn pregnancy brain! i need to start wearing a sports bra to bed and ice packs during the day.

i am curious ... did any of you surromomma's out there breastfeed your surrobaby or pump for them? if not, what did you use to dry up your milk supply?

Monday, June 6, 2011

37 weeks

woohoo! i am almost full-term! this little girl is just about fully cooked! i am so excited to see her parents reaction to her actually being here.

here's something most momma's (except us surromomma's) get to see. one of these little embryo's grew into baby sesame.

5 day old embryos

baby sesame and i (and a friend) went to the tim mcgraw concert last night and had a blast! to the relief of many, baby sesame was not born at the concert! :) my mom is going away for 3 days so i am praying that little miss stays put for the time being. my next app't. is on friday. i am feeling pretty good for the most part. tired. swollen. uncomfortable at times. ready to be done, but it makes me sad at the same time. well here's the 37 week photo. she's still up pretty high.

Monday, May 30, 2011

36 weeks and the word of the day

holy scknikes i am already 36 weeks! been feeling lots of contractions, but they are still pretty irregular so just resting and trying to get through the next 2 weeks. after i hit 38 weeks, i'll be a walking fool to get this girlie out!

and onto the word of the day ... swelling. s.w.e.l.l.i.n.g. ummm, where did my feet go? my toes are starting to resemble baby sausages! (if i see you in real life, please don't mention this as i am sensitive about it) i didn't have this when i was pregnant with boo, but i was also 7 years younger. i am constantly thirsty so i am hoping this is just extra water weight and will disappear when little missy is here.

hope y'all have a fantastic and safe memorial day!!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

weighing in

35w2d today and time for another baby sesame update ...

... i gained 4 pounds, so total weight gain is 20 pounds so far
... baby sesame is being a good little girl and remains head down
... 2 1/2 cm dilated and 50% effaced
... having lots of contractions when i walk too much
... have noticed some swelling in my hands and feet when i'm up a lot

i guess that's about it. i feel good and don't really expect anything to happen in the immediate future. i'd like her to cook till about 38 weeks, but we'll see ...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

baby shower

today was the day for baby sesame's baby shower. the day started off cloudy and chilly, but the sun came out and it was a beautiful day! :) about 30 of my im's family and friends came to celebrate this little girl. the shower was held at my im's bff's house and it was lovely. it was special to be able to meet family members and close friends and see just how loved this baby is already. momma-to-be got so many cute girlie outfits and accessories too that baby sesame is gonna be one well dressed little girl!

tomorrow will be 34 weeks down with 6 weeks to go! where did the time go?!? i am feeling great! tired during the day still, but nothing a little nap can't fix! my next md app't. is next wed. and i'm anxious to see if i've gained any more weight.

well it's been a whirlwind of a weekend so i'll post a few pic's. for y'all to enjoy then i'm crawling into bed and back to the 'ole grind tomorrow!

the cake was cut before i got a pic. of the whole thing, but it was delicious!

my grama, me and my momma taken by my daughter

one faux mommy, baby sesame and the momma-to-be :)

me and my boo!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

happy mother's day ...

... to all the momma's, surromomma's, new momma's, veteran momma's, intended momma's, grandmomma's and prego momma's!!!

boo wrote on my belly! :)

happy mother's day from me and my boo!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

happy (belated) birthday miss audrey!!!

my surro soul sista had her beautiful bebe cupcake last night! miss audrey entered the world on 5.6.11 (5+6=11 cute huh?)! poor girl had an emergency c/s, but bebe and surromama are doing well. congrats miss e to you and your id's!!!

nothing new on my front. just relaxing today in the beautiful 70 degree weather! :) one of my aunt's is visiting from new jersey so it will be nice to see her. baby sesame seems to be doing well in my tummy. she wiggles around all night long and sleeps most of the day. only a few more weeks before this long awaited miracle graces the world with her presence. my im's baby shower is next sunday and i'm looking forward to meeting her family.

off to the beach for my family bbq. have a great weekend!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

cnm check-up

i was so happy to be seeing a new cnm today. she's new to kaiser and new to me. she was very sweet yet professional. my measurements are right on target, but she was worried cause i didn't gain any weight over the past 3 weeks. she asked if i was eating and i answered with an enthusiastic YES!!! (total weight gain still at 16 lbs.) i gained 20 with boo so i'm not too worried about it. baby sesame is still head down so that's great news!

my doula and im got to meet today. it was so hot out that i didn't feel so good while we were outside talking. i sat down and my im got me a soda so i didn't fall over! this heat is killing me! i am getting more and more excited as my due date approaches to have a whole different kind of birth experience than i did with boo. quiet. non-medicated. peaceful.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

32 weeks

the countdown is officially on! i feel like this pregnancy is so rapidly coming to an end and it is surprising to me how fast it went! i am having sporadic contraction here and there. a little painful when they come, but nothing i can't breath thru. i've been doing my hypnobirthing breathing and listening to my relaxation cd's and music in hopes that my unmedicated delivery is a quick one!

i have a check-up tomorrow morning to check on baby sesame and her growth (and mine!). i've been listening to her heartbeat with my stethoscope every night and i just can't believe the miracle growing inside my belly! i feel so honored to be this baby's surromama.

it's been warm (read HOT) here this week and it's been hard to sleep. i was gonna go to the pool with one of my gf's today and found it hard to keep my "cupcakes" contained! :) guess who's kicking up a storm right now? i will surely miss those kicks and flutters, but i can't wait to meet her!

Friday, April 29, 2011

so tired ...

the title of this post says it all! sleeping has become near impossible. or sleeping comfortably i should say. i have one of those wonderful body prego pillows and that seems to help a bit,but pretty much after 3-4 hours i have to pee or eat or both! as soon as i am up little miss takes that as a cue that it must be daytime outside and she needs to stretch and do her morning yoga in there. knees and hands poking out everywhere! last md app't. i had they gave me a kick count card to record her movements on. ha! she moves 10 times in 10 seconds! my next app't. is this coming wed. my doula is going to be there as well to meet and greet baby sesame's parents. we're gonna have a full room come d-day! only 59 days left! me oh my!!!


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

30 weeks!

my oh my! 30 weeks has flown by! i guess anywhere from 6-12 left. since i was induced with boo, i have no idea when this little one will arrive. i am going to do this as naturally as possible which means no induction (unless medically necessary) and NO pain meds.! i am actually looking forward to the birth and doing it differently this time.

my belly is getting bigger! i've gained 16 pounds so far. been having lots of braxton-hicks as i prepare for the real deal. i feel like i'm eating a ton and shouldn't be. i'm a little worried that this little girl will be big and i won't be able to push her out.

here's my belly pic. of the week -

~one faux mommy

Friday, April 15, 2011

yippee!!! 29w4d

had my baby sesame app't. this morning and all looks well. i've gained 16 pounds so far and still have about 10 weeks to go. i've typed out my birth plan and just need to fine tune it with my doula. i can't believe my journey is wrapping up!

so yippee? what's yippee? well, after doing a few breech exercises and mainly pointing a flashlight at the bottom of my tummy to make little miss turn her heiney around, the md did a quick u/s today and she is head down! yIppee!!! the md told me not to get too excited cause she could move and i told her to not jinx me please. sheesh! she also got on her high horse about not breastfeeding the baby! um ... i am NOT her momma and her momma doesn't wanna breastfeed (which would require hormome shots and who knows what else)! step off lady! she suggested a milk bank to them. look, we all know breastmilk is best for babies, but there isn't anything wrong with formula feeding them.

anyways, i am feeling good. tired most of the time. still having random contractions here and there. boo and i are going to one of my gf's baby shower tomorrow. she's due the day after me (with her for real baby) and is having a boy. hope you all have a fabulous weekend too!

~one faux mommy

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

surrogacy's faq's :)

i saw an article on the surrogacy spotlight's site on facebook about a gal who answered some frequently asked questions re: being a surrogate. i do get asked tons of questions (many of the same) and thought it was a good idea to answer them here for everyone to know the answers.

1. what made you want to become a surrogate?

i think i said this in my first blog post, but surrogacy had been on my mind for about 4 years before i started this journey. i knew that having 1 child was enough for me but the thought of never being pregnant again made me kinda sad. i enjoyed all the perks (and pits) of pregnancy. i had a pretty easy delivery (after they rotated my stubborn little girl) but honestly didn't realize how hard parenting was going to be. now as a single mom it is a lot harder, but i have tons of help and get breaks during the week. my daughter is her mommy and dad all rolled up in 1 cute smaller package and sometimes it makes me wanna pull my hair out, literally! being a surrogate, to me, is a mutually beneficial job. i get to enjoy being pregnant and not have to take any responsibility for the child and i am helping a couple who otherwise couldn't have started a family. see? win/win!

2. my response is generally followed by wow! i could never do that!

and that's ok because i can! i went into this arrangement with the mind set that this is NOT my baby. i am simply providing temporary housing and at the end of my 40 week stint, this person will go and live with their real mom and dad. don't get me wrong i love feeling her wiggle around and we talk to her, but there is not the attachment that i felt when i was carrying my own baby.

3. what if you have more than 1? or 8?

i am not a dog and i do not wish to carry a litter. i spoke with both my ip's and my doctor about how many embryo's i was comfortable transferring. i also prayed like never before because i was deathly afraid of carrying more than 1 baby. thankfully He answers prayer and i only have 1 in there! :)

4. but won't you wanna keep her after you see her?

ummm ... no! my egg was not used and i didn't have a partner contributing any sperm. i have a daughter and she's enough for me.

after little miss is born i am simply giving her back to her parents. she was never mine to begin with. her parent's entrusted me with their embryo's and after she's here, my job is done.

5. what does your hubby think? he would never let me carry another person's baby!

first off i'm not married and if i was, i'm glad it's not to your man! surrogacy has been on my heart for many years and if someone can't accept that part of me, they don't get to have me.

6. does your daughter understand what's going on?

yes she does. i explained that not everyone is able to have a baby of their own and omitting all graphic details, told her that baby sesame has other parents. they have all met and are very sweet to my girl. she did recently ask if we could keep baby sesame and i reminded her that baby sesame's parents would be very sad if we did that since they have been waiting for her for a very long time (not to mention my daughter would be visiting me in the slammer! kidding!) she understood, said ok, she saw a butterfly or something shiny and ran after it!

7. how much money are you getting for this?

i think this question offends me the most. i don't ask how much you make at your job. if you're really that interested in how much money surrogates make, please call an agency and sign up to be a surrogate!

there have been many discussions out there about if surrogates should be compensated and how much, etc... fact of the matter is, i am doing a job and providing a service to someone else. this job is a 24/7 job for up to 42 weeks and has some major downfalls to it sometimes. so please try and control yourself when you want to ask me this question and don't. :)

Thursday, April 7, 2011


so there have been 2 huge similarities in this pregnancy and my pregnancy with my daughter.

1. i said this before and it's totally true - i only carry girls! i know i've only had 2 pregnancies, but that's 2 for 2 baby!

2. i apparently only carry headstrong and stubborn little girls! meaning, my daughter was breech the entire 9 months and this little girl is sitting in the same position boo was in (at least as far as i can tell from palpating my tummy and getting the crap kicked outta me). i don't remember how much my daughter moved, but sometimes i expect to see a foot come pushing out!

my next ob app't. is fri. 4.15 and i'm looking forward to seeing how much weight i've gained. so far it's been 11 pounds. my belly is measuring bigger than i did with boo, but weight gain has been the same.

my surrofriend e, cousin and i went to lunch last week and it was delicious! my waffles were the size of a small country and it took me 3 days to eat them all!

see! i wasn't kidding!

2 surromama's!

~one faux mommy

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

27 weeks and a hospital tour

met up with my ip's monday nite to tour the hospital. the rooms are nice, a bit small, and come with a dvd/vhs player in them (both l&d/recovery and pp rooms). there's no wifi (boo!!!) available or an ipod dock. i have a small dock so that won't be a problem. hopefully pp won't be booming when i'm there and i can have a private room. all of the rooms have 2 beds in case you have to share, but if you don't have a roommate, you're s/o (or in my case ip's) can sleep in that bed. horray! after sesame is born i am handing her over to be cared for by her parents. i am also planning on having my tubes tied so i just wanna sleep and relax before coming home to miss boo. we still have some questions for the hospital and i am waiting for the social worker to call me back. the pbo hasn't been filled out yet either so i'm still waiting for that. *the pbo is a pre-birth order that states i am NOT baby sesame's biological momma and i won't be listed on her birth certificate.*

i am starting to read and practice my hypnobirthing techniques. the classes are quite pricey so i'm watching videos on youtube and doing the best that i can. i figure as long as i stay positive and my doula knows about hypnobirthing techniques, i am gonna rock this baby out!

belly pic. of the week -


~one faux mommy

Thursday, March 24, 2011

glucose testing, pumping iron and a car accident

so i had my big glucose testing done on monday am. they tell you that you don't have to fast prior, but you darn well know you better cause any extra trace of sugar in your system will send your glucose soaringgggggg! when i was prego with boo (my 7 y.o.), i flunked my 1 hour with a whopping 165! the 3 hour test was brutal, not to mention b.o.r.i.n.g. but i passed! anyways, my 1 hour this time was 97! :) go me! i also had a cbc and my cnm informed me that my iron was low. no big surprise there. i've been tired and slightly irritable the past few weeks. so now i am on 2 iron pills a day. ***the next sentence may be tmi for some of you*** i am worried about pooping since iron constipates you. oh the joys of pregnancy!

on to the car accident story. on my way home from work last night it was raining pretty heavily. i was in the #2 lane and a truck was passing me in the #1 lane. he hydroplaned on a puddle and his tail end swung out and knocked into me. i saw him coming at me and let off of the gas and decided that if i didn't wanna be hit again, or even worse and spin, i needed to get outta his way and FAST! thank God that no one was immediately behind me in the next 3 lanes cause over i went and so did he. we ended up on the shoulder and he was super nice and apologetic. i got a call from his ins. and my car will be repaired tomorrow on their nickle. fhew! *wipes brow*

on a happier note, my boo turned 7 on sunday! 7!!! where did the time go? we had a mad science party with some of her friends and they all had a great time!

eyeball birthday cake compliments of our neighbor s

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


had a baby sesame app't. this morning and all is looking good with this little girl! :) i saw an md that i haven't seen before (i'll explain how kaiser works in a minute) and i told her that this time around i'll be having a natural childbirth. she responded with, "well don't try and be a hero!" why are hospitals and practitioners so against natural childbirth? you'd think it's cheaper for them not to give me drugs and they'd be happy about that. i've been watching a new show on lifetime called "one born every minute." it's about an l&d in a hospital in like ohio or somewhere. anyways, pretty much every time a mom comes in they ask her when she wants her epidural! why aren't these women allowed to labor how they want? i have a whole other post i'll do on my opinion of birth and how dramatically it's changed since i had my baby and stopped working in the hospital.

so kaiser. i am not super thrilled to have them, but hey it's insurance. the way their l&d works is you get whoever the md and/or cnm (certified nurse midwife) are that are on-call when you deliver. so for my prenatal appt's. i could technically see someone who i really click with but when i go into labor may get a total stranger! where is there continuity of care with this method? so every month i have an app't. i see a different md or cnm so i increase my chances of having someone i sorta know walk thru the door to catch sesame. they tried to discourage me from doing this today and i told them to sit on it!

25 weeks! where has the time gone? i have my 1 hour glucose tolerance test coming up next week. hopefully i pass and won't have to do the 3 hour like i did with boo. baby sesame is growing by leaps and bounds and moves A LOT!!! her folks better be ready! :) i have really enjoyed this pregnancy and it seems to be moving along faster than when i was prego with boo.

speaking of miss boo boo kitty kat, she'll be turning 7 on sunday!!! holy moly!!! we're having a 'mad scientist' themed party and it should be a ton of fun!

no pic's. today. check back in a few ...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


where in the world have i been? that is a very good question! the past 24 weeks have flown by (literally!) and have left me in the wake. but here i am now and i am ready to blog, so away we go ...

so the number 1 question i get is why in the world would you have another couple's baby? don't you feel attached? surrogacy has been on my mind since my daughter was about 2 y.o. (she's now 7). i enjoyed being pregnant and had a relatively easy pregnancy. i relocated to s.d. in the fall of 2008 and began working in a fertility clinic. i witnessed firsthand the struggles of couples unable to conceive or unable to carry a baby to term. i also saw the extreme joy when they were able to overcome a medical condition and add to their family. i knew right away i wanted to be a part of that! so how do you not get attached to this beautiful life currently dancing inside of my belly? simple. i went in with the mindset of "i am simply an oven. this baby is not mine. it is my job to nurish and nuture him or her for 9 months and then return him/her to his/her parents. period."

a little background info. for you on my journey (and yes, it's a journey!) - i originally signed up with an agency to find a set of intended parents (ip's). after working where i did, turns out i didn't need to look any further that down the hall one day! i offered my services to a couple and after talking about what we all wanted out of this, it was a done deal!

fast forward 1 1/2 years and 1 unsuccessful frozen embryo transfer and you put us on october 9, 2010. that's the day 2 beautiful embryo's were transfered into my uterus. was i scared of having twins? deathly! 1 little baby held on with all her might and here we are today. 24w2d pregnant with baby sesame (who is a baby GIRL!!!).

it has been a long road, not only for my ip's but for me as well. there were hundreds (i kid you not!) of shots involved prior to the transfer and for weeks after. my hind end was sometimes so sore it was hard to sit down! i am thankful that part of this is now behind me and my road had been paved with a supportive family, good friends and wonderful ip's!

so that's kinda it in a nutshell. question for me? go ahead and ask! for now i'll include a few belly bump photo's for you to enjoy!

~one faux mommy


23w5d - snow day